Are you interested in getting the least out of Mass? If so, here are some ways to make that happen:
- Don’t contribute to the collection; or, if you do, use coins.
- Avoid all eye contact during the Sign of Peace.
- Never drink the Blood of Christ at Holy Communion.
- Approach the Communion minister with car keys in hand.
- After reception of Holy Communion, do not return to your seat and head for the door.
- Drive away from church as quickly as possible.
- Don’t pray at home during the following week, unless an emergency comes up.
- Eat a large meal just before going to church.
- Arrive late for Mass.
- Always sit in the back of the church.
- Read the bulletin during the service.
- Don’t sing any songs.
- Don’t say the responses.
- Keep your cell phone turned on.
- Chew gum.
- Mentally criticize the appearance of people you see.
- Be angry about something. It really doesn’t matter what.
- Think constantly about where you are going after Mass.
- Whenever it is time for silent prayer, look at your watch.
- Never offer to assist as a greeter, usher, lector, communion minister, server, or cantor.