There are two competing phrases that work in business but I never thought applied to ministry: (1) “Stay in your own lane” and (2) “Get out of your comfort zone.” As a natural introvert I love the first and abhor the second.
Professionally, I’ve done well “staying in my lane.” I knew that I was an analytical chemist. I am not a biochemist, organic chemist, inorganic chemist and especially, not a physical chemist. There is nothing wrong with those other branches, they simply are not me. I liked being an analytical chemist and I am generally pretty good at it. When I focused on being an analytical chemist, I was mostly happy and content. When wandering into other areas or when pulled into them by company need, that is when the stress came in.
Conversely, what about “getting out of my comfort zone?” Some say there is no growth until we push our boundaries. An athlete excels when they push their endurance. Yet not all tests of endurance are helpful. Weightlifting can reduce effectiveness in some areas when not approached correctly. We push targeted boundaries. In business, we work to markets that complement us, not just working toward something “different.” I’ve been most successful when branching into areas within analytical chemistry rather than in efforts just to appease others.
We don’t always have control of when we stay in our lanes or test our comfort zones. Life does that for us. Illness, downsizings or family and financial issues tend to “change lanes” for us. They bring discomfort which may lead to growth, but that means little when fighting for survival, whether medically, financially or professionally.
This notion of swim lanes and comfort zones came to me as I reflected on my past decade of ministry. Recently, my formation cohort passed the tenth anniversary of our ordination to the permanent diaconate. Of the eight of us ordained that year, five remain active in this ministry. Two have been called home to God, one left by his choice. Reflecting over this past decade, I’ve noted that I have not stayed in my ministerial lane.
In ministry, my interests have been focused on Ignatian spirituality and bioethics. In the past decade I’ve trained in both. I’ve taught both. In my parish, my primary diaconal role is to lead RCIA. In terms of swim lanes, spirituality and RCIA feel as my “analytical chemistry of ministry.” I am comfortable in these roles. Bioethics is more of a getting out of my comfort zone. The field is vast and not just lessons in Catholic morality. It includes philosophy, law and medicine. I am not a medical practitioner. In the morality aspect, however, I feel I can have a lane.
The rest of the field is outside my lane – why should I swim there? I swam there for it was the only opportunity presented. Was I right to challenge myself in this regard? Yes. Should I have remained in these lanes as long as I did? Probably not. Too much swimming uphill. Bioethics does not pay my bills nor have a big effect on my ministry. Is it worth the stress and effort? I knew the opportunity was not a perfect fit for me but I wanted the experience. However, I did not discern this further. When this opportunity dried up, I still wanted to swim in this lane. It wasn’t until I took a step back did I separate the experience from the whole. It would be nice if the pull ends there but no, the Evil One entices us further. Reflecting on the experience, as Ignatius would have me do, made me regain my awareness that I should have focused to moving back to my lane in bioethics– even if it meant a pause in activity.
Challenging ourselves only becomes a swim lane when there is a lasting fit.
To me, that is a challenge we have in ministry – we do not take the time to reflect upon our swim lanes. Working at parishes usually entails having to float in many directions to put out the fires that arise. Distractions ultimately take our attention away from the very goal that started us in ministry. As we focus less on where we want to minister we lose the very self that Jesus called.
In the diaconate, we have to fight the ever present disconnect between priests and permanent deacons. Permanent deacons are well aware of clericalism in the Catholic Church. Deacons have to first find out what lanes a priest will let a deacon swim in. Not only does this vary by diocese, but it also varies by parish and with the priests that minister there. All too often, deacons become too engrained in their parish and forget their identity as a member of the Order of Deacons. They may minister at a parish but they are an Order for the diocese. As most deacons get older and more experienced, we tend to become more comfortable choosing our lanes without worrying about a priest’s reaction. We come to care less about other’s turf woes and more about Jesus. We free ourselves to swim in our lanes again.
However, like me, we may be free to swim in our lanes but we still have too many lanes in too many pools to swim in. Besides still working in my primary vocation, striving to address martial and family vocations, maintain educational requirements, work at the parish…, I then have time to address the ministerial lanes I want to swim in. That is a lot to schedule in 24 hour days and seven day weeks. Life requires us to address the front end of this load while we yearn to be spending time at the back.
It is only in reflecting on how I wish to move forward at this time in my life that I came to realize I was swimming in too many pools. Mid-swim crisis? No, more in realizing that I don’t swim as fast as I used to. I could jump from pool to pool. Now, I desire swimming in only a few. The pools of challenge are less enticing than the pools of fun. I remain challenged in letting some of these go. In ministry and in life, how do we pick the pools to keep swimming in?
First of all, we have to let go.
We have to let go of the personal desires that drive us in too many directions and stop listening to the lies the Evil One keeps whispering in our ears. Our plans mean little; God’s plans are the source of substance and joy. I need to stop listening to the voices that tell keep telling me to “go, go , go” and listen to God. We can only do this through prayer and discernment. Elijah had to discern when he was hearing God. So do we. Yet, first Elijah had to stop and engage in listening.
The internet bombards us on how to plan for retirement. How much we need to save, what we activities can be doing… These messages fail us miserably in their distraction. Number 1 on any such lists must be to engage this or any activity in discernment. What is God wanting for us today? God knows our swim lanes better than we do. He will not let us drown. He doesn’t want us wasting our time in the wrong pools. But he waits…
He waits for us to stop, to listen and to rejoice that we even have a breath to take today. Prayer is not discernment. Prayer opens us to our relationship with God. Discernment helps us tune out our distractions and desires that keep us from hearing him. Discernment lets us again focus on our priorities.
God wants us to swim. He wants us to make a splash in life. He wants us to swim in the lanes of His pool, not the one’s that others dictate. Ignatius reminds us to give this choice and all our choices back to God in our suscipe prayer.
Besides, the lane(s) we are trying to swim in are His anyway.