Encountering the Other, Part 2

Context: A man sees a pregnant woman at the grocery store and offers to carry her bags. She is there with an infant and a toddler. He knows the woman to be pro-choice because she has a “my body, my choice” hat on. He hopes to begin a conversation about the precious value of her children in hopes that the woman will come to know the truth about life and abortion, and ultimately, to lead her to Christ.

Man: “It looks like you have your hands full. Let me help you carry those bags.”

[Just like Jesus offers to serve the Samaritan woman by giving her living water, so this man offers to serve this woman by carrying her bags. The attitude implicit in this willingness to serve helps make evangelization possible. One of the preconditions of authentic evangelization is the habitual desire to help others.]

Woman: “No thank you, I can do it myself” (sad and lonely voice).

[The woman is resisting his offer to help but it is not yet clear why she is resistant.]

Man: “I have children myself and know what it is like. Please let me help you.”

[The man perceives that she is not angry but sad, and that this expression of sadness is a cue for him to persevere in evangelizing her in a gentle way.]

Woman: “Ok.”

Man: (The man carries the bag to her car and notices her hat. It strikes him and makes him think that this is why the Lord had him encounter her. He feels compelled to share the truth in love with her because her hat evinces confusion and hopelessness. But he knows that he must wait for the right opportunity). “That is an interesting hat you have; I am surprised that you are wearing that.”

Woman: “Why would you be surprised? I am a woman and I can make my own decisions by myself and I don’t need you or anyone to tell me what to do.”

[The woman presents her position of radical autonomy and freedom from responsibility rather than freedom for love. She makes the conversation personal by suggesting that the man does not respect her freedom.]

Man: [The man realized that he struck a nerve and that if he does not gain her trust, he may lose the opportunity to evangelize her, so he proceeds with extra gentleness and kindness.] “I am surprised that you are wearing that hat because I see how hard you are working to support your children and that shows me how good a mother you are.”

Woman: [The woman is taken aback, disarmed by his kind words, and her demeanor changes towards greater openness]. “Thank you, I try to do what I can to take care of them” (Her tone is soft and surprised).

Man: [He perceives that she is now ready to hear his testimony regarding abortion as he is helping her place the bags in her trunk. He turns to her with seriousness and love and she seems attentive.) “My brother was aborted when my mom was four months pregnant. He had a beating heart, and I remember being at the hospital when I was twelve years old and asking my mother if my little brother was ok. My mother said that he would not be coming home with us, and I wanted to know why. Can you imagine what this was like for me?”

Woman: [Nods in sympathy]

Man: “She said it was too much work having another baby, times were tough, and that her focus was loving me and caring for me. She said I would not understand at the time, but that one day I would understand. I still don’t understand why my brother’s life was not worth the sacrifice it would have required to raise him. I even offered to help my mom who was a single mom care for my brother, but she refused my help.  I always wondered what my life would have been like with a brother.”

Woman: “Have you ever taken care of a child? Your mom had the right to say no to children, you have the right to say yes, and I have the right to say no to children. We all get to make our choices.”

[Woman reasserts her position of radical autonomy].

Man: “So my mom was an amazing mother, she made the choice to love and care for me because she knew my life was precious. You made the amazing decision to have these children (he points to the children with her). (Pointing to the children) These are your beautiful children that you chose to love and care for because each and every one of their lives are precious. So let me ask you a question: would it be anyone’s right to choose to take these babies’ lives?”

Woman: “No of course not.”

Man: “Do you have the choice to take their life?”

Woman: “Of course not.”

Man: “Does anyone have the choice to take the life of the precious child in your womb [pointing to her womb]? Of course not, because every life is precious, including the life of the child in your womb. You love these children with all your heart and you would die for them, no matter how old they are or where they are, right?

Woman: “Yes of course, I love my children no matter what.”

Man: “Is this not your child at a different age and in a different place?”

Woman: (The woman is speechless; she does not know what to say).

[At this point the man shifts the dialogue from the truth about abortion to the relational truth of Jesus Christ, who is Himself the Way, the Truth, and the Life (John 14:6)].

Man: “Hey, sorry I forgot to ask you, what is your name?”

[The man perceives that she has just encountered truth and wants to affirm her identity in the Lord. She needs affirmation and to remember who she is in relation to God.]

Woman: “Angie.”

Man: “Hi Angie, I am Christopher. Do you realize how much God loves you and that He created you to have this beautiful love for your children and to want to protect and care for them?”

Woman: “I guess I never realized that.”

Man: (He pulls out a crucifix and gives it to the woman and says:) “Do you know what this is?”

Woman: “A cross.”

Man: “Yes, but even more, a crucifix which shows Jesus dying on the cross for you. I want to give this to you as a reminder of God’s love for you and your children. This shows that the greatest love on earth is a woman that would die for her children and not take their life. How does this make you feel?

[Christopher asks how Angie feels to get her to focus on her heart, which is where conversion occurs.]

Woman: “I have to think about this.”

Man: (Handing her a local crisis pregnancy center pamphlet) “Here is a place that will provide everything you need in a truthful, loving, and gentle way during and after pregnancy.”

Woman: “Thank you.”