Vincent Ryan RuggieroThis final part of this essay, Part 4, will discuss the most common unhealthy attitudes identified and examined in my 1998 book Changing Attitudes. The attitudes I spoke of then are not only still prevalent today, but even more troubling than before.
Remember that attitudes are derived from emotion rather than reason. We are therefore likely to be unaware of them and need to consider the ideas and beliefs they are associated with. With that in mind, let’s examine the error of five of the most common unhealthy attitudes:
The attitude that “Being myself makes self-discipline unnecessary”
In 1961 Psychologist Carl Rogers wrote Becoming a Person, which included this view: “I find I am more effective when I can listen acceptantly [sic] to myself and can be myself . . . When I accept myself as I am, then I change . . . We cannot change, we cannot move away from what we are, until we thoroughly accept what we are.”
This passage, like the book’s title, was not only confusing, but self-contradictory. In reality, we do not become persons at some point in our lives; we are persons from the start; as time passes, we can either accept our characteristics and habits or change them. Accepting ourselves as we are is not a way to change, but instead an obstacle to changing. To put it simply, dissatisfaction provides a motivation to discipline ourselves to become better.
The attitude that “If I have high self-esteem, I will be successful”
Since the early 1960s psychologists have tended to regard self-esteem as the indispensable ingredient in mental health. They believed that low self-esteem is responsible for gang violence, mental illness, domestic abuse, hate crimes, murder, child abuse, and other effects. This belief led educators to lower education standards and behavioral requirements and instead emphasize self-affirming practices, including chanting “I’m special,” “I’m beautiful,” “I’m smart, graceful, talented.” These practices went on for decades until numerous studies in the U.S. and other countries revealed that “the higher the self-esteem, the poorer the performance.”
This finding was not a breakthrough in understanding, but only a confirmation of what was known in centuries past. For example, the ancient Greek philosopher Socrates taught his learners to “know themselves” rather than esteem themselves. And in the 18th century, Samuel Johnson penned this insight:
“Such is the consequence of too high an opinion of our own powers and knowledge; it makes us in youth negligent, and in age useless; it teaches us too soon to be satisfied with our own attainments; or it makes our attainments unpleasing, unpopular, and ineffectual; it neither suffers us to learn or to teach; but withholds us from those by whom we might be instructed, and drives those from us whom we might instruct.”
In 1994, Alfie Kohn offered this observation: “Self-esteem is of two kinds: earned and unearned. Only learned self-esteem is healthy and satisfied, and it doesn’t precede achievement but follows it.”
The attitude that “I have a right to my opinion, so my opinions are right”
The phrase “Well, that’s my opinion” gained the status of the medieval idea of sanctuary. Once invoked, whatever view we have expressed is thought to be unchallengeable. The underlying belief is that opinions cannot be mistaken. No one uses those words of course; if they did, they would likely realize how foolish the belief is. The ancient Greek philosopher Epictetus expressed the matter in this way: “Here is the beginning of philosophy; a recognition of the conflicts between men, a search for their cause, a condemnation of mere opinion, and the discovery of a standard of judgment.” [Emphasis added] And John Erskine dismissed opinion as “that exercise of the human will which helps us to make a decision without information.”
Elevating our opinions to perfection is very much like our childhood view that our father is stronger, our mother prettier, and our bike faster than other people’s. It’s a kind of mine-is-better view. In reality, opinions are simply ideas, which differ widely in quality. Wise people put no confidence in them until they have tested them thoroughly and found them worthy.
The attitude that “Expressing my negative feelings will relieve them”
This attitude derives from a common view of psychologists in the mid-twentieth century until one professor, Carol Tavris, looked closely at numerous scholarly studies and found, for example, that expressing anger does not alleviate it but intensifies it and makes us feel worse rather than better and has a negative effect on our health. In her book Anger the Misunderstood Emotion, Tavris cited among many others the Greek philosopher Plutarch who argued that, “He who gives no fuel to fire puts it out, and likewise he who does not in the beginning nurse his wrath and does not puff himself up with anger takes precautions against it and destroys it.”
It is not at all fanciful to see a connection between psychology’s endorsement of expressing anger and both the loss of civility and the increase of violent behavior. [Note that though this sentence was accurate when I wrote it in 1988, it is much more so in 2025. Controlling widespread anger is no longer just an important social program; it is also one on which the stability of our country depends.]
The attitude that “The teacher’s job is to entertain me”
This attitude is demonstrated when students fidget in their seats, glance pleadingly at the wall clock every few seconds and emit anguished sighs; or remain frozen in a variety of poses, staring catatonically, their faces expressionless. In either case, when the bell rings, they rush out of the room mumbling “this course sucks” or a similar assessment of the course and the professor, and head toward their next class where they will experience the same pain and negative reaction.
Wherever this attitude is displayed, it almost always is focused on the failings of the professor, the textbook author, or the entire institution of learning, but almost never on themselves. They seldom make the somewhat modest admission “I am bored,” which might lead to improving themselves. Instead they stick with “they are boring.” A similar reaction is taken with their grades¾they “I earned an A in her course,” but “He gave me a D in his course.”
All it takes to overcome this negative attitude is a moment’s thought about what teaching and learning are really about. The teacher’s purpose is not to entertain students, but to guide them in learning. The learning occurs only when the student participates actively in the process. Once students understand this and take responsibility for their part in learning, their attitude will change and their performance enhanced.
When all five of the above negative attitudes are replaced with positive ones, a dramatic change in learning will take place.
Copyright 2025 by Vincent Ryan Ruggiero. All rights reserved.
William Borst
Thomas Addis
